{"id":13260,"date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-04-13T22:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/220triathlon\/?post_type=purple_issue&p=13260"},"modified":"2022-04-19T15:08:02","modified_gmt":"2022-04-19T13:08:02","slug":"weekend-warrior-let-there-be-cake","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/220triathlon\/2022\/04\/14\/weekend-warrior-let-there-be-cake\/","title":{"rendered":"Weekend warrior: Let there be cake"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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LET THERE BE CAKE<\/h1>\n\n

Brunty\u2019s been musing on how his race-picking criteria has significantly changed over his near three decades of competing\u2026 <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n

WORDS<\/strong> MARTYN BRUNT IMAGE<\/strong> DANIEL SEEX<\/p>\n\n

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Now that I\u2019m well into my third <\/strong>decade as a triathlete (photos of me running in Speedos are available for a small fee), I have been musing on how much has changed since I first shook the grey waters of St Katharine\u2019s Dock from my ears, jammed my JJB sports trainers into the toe clips on my brother-in-law\u2019s borrowed bike, and wobbled off down the ramp at the London Excel Centre.<\/p>\n\n

Some of the changes have been with the sport \u2013 for example, aero helmets were once rare enough for anyone wearing one to be called \u2018Tron\u2019, whereas now they\u2019re only outnumbered by Dryrobes \u2013 but most of them have been with me, and as evidence of this I need only look at my race-selection criteria.<\/p>\n\n

\u201cI\u2019ve swapped free race T-shirts for a large slice of Victoria sponge\u201d <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n

Back in the day when planning my race calendar for the year I applied the following conditions to any races I entered:<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Will my main race be sufficiently major to make other triathletes think I am a proper triathlete, and ordinary members of the public think I am some sort of athletic God? And as it approaches, will it give me several \u2018Oh no, what have I done?\u2019 moments?<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Will there be lots of clubmates there that I can attempt to beat while trying not to look like I am?<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Will my other races help towards my main race of the year, and wrestle my race calendar into some sort of coherent plan that makes others think I know what I\u2019m doing?<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Will the race take me somewhere glamorous that will enable me to fill social media with pictures of me looking dynamic and exotic?<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Will I get a large and weighty medal the size of a bin lid, and a T-shirt that will enable me to chest brag at training sessions and to the general public in supermarkets?<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Will there be several race photos of me to purchase post-race so that I can select the ones that make me look like I have quads when on the bike and actual knee lift on the run?<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Will it be a serious affair with things like pasta parties, awards ceremonies, and registrations that require enough documents to make you feel like you\u2019re trying to cross Checkpoint Charlie?<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Will the pre-race communications make me feel like I\u2019m about to attempt Everest?<\/p>\n\n

Compare that with the criteria I\u2019m applying to my 2022 events:<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Am I free that weekend or have I promised to mend the garden fences from that storm?<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Is the race within an hour\u2019s journey of my house, thus reducing the amount of time I have to sit in my car in damp, sweaty kit and with rigid, aching legs which make me yelp whenever I use the brake pedal, and meaning that upon arrival I don\u2019t have to be helped up my front steps?<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Will I be the only person from my club doing the race, thus sparing me having to put any effort in to try and beat them while also making me look like an independentlyminded trailblazer? And will the age-demographic of likely participants provide me with some important injury-networking opportunities?<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Does the race offer me the option of a tree instead of a T-shirt, thus not only saving the planet but also sparing my T-shirt drawer, which is overflowing more than a builder\u2019s skip?<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Will the event be cupless, and free of plastic bottles, again not only saving the planet but also justifying my recent heavy investment in hydration systems for my bike and run?<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Will there be a quirky gift?<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Is there a chance I can avoid being seen by the race photographer?<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Will the bike course be rural enough to be free of drivers?<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Will the pre-race communications be full of the kind of motivational messages that make me want to launch myself into a well?<\/p>\n\n

\u2022 Will there be cake at the finish?<\/p>\n\n

So that\u2019s what 25 years of tri does to you, folks. I\u2019ve evidently swapped glamour for convenience, competition for solitude, and T-shirts for a large slice of Victoria sponge.<\/p>\n\n

Having said that, I\u2019m still happy to take part in large, glamorous races in exotic places that any race organisers might be looking for (relatively) well-known columnists to participate in. Just as long as there\u2019s cake.<\/p>\n\n

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MARTYN BRUNT<\/strong>
Martyn is tri\u2019s foremost average athlete and is living proof that hours of training and endless new kit are no substitute for ability.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

LET THERE BE CAKE Brunty\u2019s been musing on how his race-picking criteria has significantly changed over his near three decades of competing\u2026 WORDS MARTYN BRUNT IMAGE DANIEL SEEX Now that I\u2019m well into my third decade as a triathlete (photos of me running in Speedos are available for a small fee), I have been musing 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