Triathlon clubs are essentially groups of people in identical garish leotards whose obsession with tri has moved past the stage where they started keeping their training plans on an excel spreadsheet, and have decided to join like-minded people to do races together and try to drop each other on Sunday-morning training rides.<\/p>\n
When you see club athletes at races, they can appear intimidating with their in-jokes and their carefully selected chest-bragging T-shirts. But people in tri clubs are, almost always without exception, welcoming and friendly, and not at all the kind to laugh at your non-elasticated laces and race number pinned straight to your top.<\/p>\n
And when you speak to them, it\u2019s more than likely they\u2019ll immediately try to recruit you to join, not least because with a fresh arrival they\u2019ll have someone new to brag to about their PBs. So with so many great things to choose from, what should you look for in a good tri club? Well, here\u2019s my handy A-Z\u2026<\/p>\n
Brunty\u2019s A-Z of why you should join a tri club<\/strong><\/h2>\n ![\"""\"]( "\\"\"\"\\"\/")
<\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/picture><\/div>\nAwards night<\/strong><\/h2>\nAll good clubs should have an awards night with prizes for the fastest, longest, most dedicated and, ideally, the most hapless (I speak as two-time winner of Coventry Triathletes\u2019 \u2018Who got Hammered\u2019 award). Awards nights are great opportunities to gloat if you\u2019ve won a trophy and nurse grievances if you haven\u2019t, and really help to make up for the inevitable hell of the AGM.<\/p>\n
Bike monster<\/strong><\/h2>\nEvery club has at least one person who is somehow twice as fast as everyone else on a bike. Ride with them whenever you can because, while painful, you will learn things. When I started cycling I descended hills<\/a><\/strong> with all the skill of a dumper truck on a ski slope, but thanks to riding with the bike monster I improved a lot. Not least because if you don\u2019t keep up with them they\u2019ll bugger off and leave you.<\/p>\n - What is a bike chain gang training session?<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
- How much cycling should triathletes do?<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
- How to avoid being a single-paced cyclist<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
- Cycling workout: Improve strength and power<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>
<\/p><\/div> <\/section>
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Committee<\/strong><\/h2>\nDedicated, diplomatic, generous, hard-working \u2013 these are just some of the many qualities I don\u2019t possess, which is why I avoid joining committees. Yet without the devoted and enthusiastic people that make up committees no good club can function, and I like to pay tribute to their selfless commitment by avoiding eye contact with them at AGMs when they\u2019re looking for volunteers.<\/p>\n
Dirty-kit athlete<\/strong><\/h2>\nEvery good club should have at least one member renowned for the grotty state of their kit, which permanently lives in a repellent bag where it has coalesced into a ball and which emerges only on race days accompanied by an odour<\/a><\/strong> that makes the enamel fall off your teeth. Annoyingly, they will also be a very good athlete.<\/p>\nEvenings out\u00a0<\/strong><\/h2>\nAll good clubs should have regular social get-togethers where members young and injured gather for drinking<\/a><\/strong> and plotting. Curry nights are a particular tri-club staple, with everyone trying to outdo each other for the healthiest menu option rather than the butter chicken and giant naan they really want.<\/p>\n - UK triathlon clubs: What to expect when you join<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
- How to start a triathlon club yourself<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Key training sessions from Viceroys Triathlon Club<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Ironman prep: group vs solo training<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>
<\/p><\/div> <\/section>
Facebook page<\/strong><\/h2>\nIn every race there\u2019s only one winner, and the rest of us are left trying to make it sound like we actually won by talking about lifetime PBs, course PBs, age-group results, first-in-club finishes, better-than-expecteds, etc. The best place to do this is on the club\u2019s Facebook page, which exists specifically for this purpose.<\/p>\n
Gazebo<\/strong><\/h2>\nNothing says \u2018proper club\u2019 like having your own branded gazebo, which appears at races for members to leave their kit and litter in. Just as nothing said \u2018disorganised rabble\u2019 like the running club I used to be in which left our kit bags under trees or, occasionally, other club\u2019s gazebos. Some clubs have flags too, which are great for everyone except the poor sod who has to transport them to races and put them up.<\/p>\n
Half-wheelers<\/strong><\/h2>\n ![\"""\"]( "\\"\"\"\\"\/")
<\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/picture><\/div>\nWhen you join a club and go on a training ride, you\u2019ll inevitably end up alongside the club half-wheeler who stays resolutely half-a-wheel length ahead of you no matter how much you speed up to be level. Every club has one, and you\u2019re next to them because no one else wants to be. Wait for someone new to join and them scrape the half-wheeler off on to them.<\/p>\n
Ironman obsessives<\/strong><\/h2>\nEvery club also has at least one Ironman addict and you must face the fact that they will talk you into it too. When I joined Coventry Triathletes in 2003 I\u2019d done one Olympic-distance race which took me over three hours to finish. Eighteen months later I was doing Ironman Canada, which I was talked into signing up for by the pair of athletic psychopaths who were organising that year\u2019s \u2018club outing\u2019.<\/p>\n
- Can anyone complete an Ironman?<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>
Juniors<\/strong><\/h2>\nHaving young club members is not only excellent for the future of the sport but, and I speak as an athlete old enough to remember Dunlop Green Flash pumps, it gives you an important demographic to beat in club races \u2013 for a while at least.<\/p>\n - How much triathlon training should children do?<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
- How much strength training should kids do?<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
- Training for triathlon as a young female<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>
<\/p><\/div> <\/section>
Kit<\/strong><\/a><\/h2>\nOne of the most important questions to ask yourself when deciding whether to join a club is \u2018What will I look like in the kit?\u2019 Also consider: \u2018Is the design lurid enough to cause public embarrassment?\u2019; \u2018Is there associated leisurewear to impress strangers in supermarkets?\u2019; and \u2018Will it go see-through when wet and show my bits off?\u2019<\/p>\n
Local knowledge<\/strong><\/h2>\nOne of the best things about clubs is that they\u2019re full of people who know good routes to cycle, and which places to avoid when going out running, particularly when you\u2019re tired and less able to escape the mockery of teenage gangs.<\/p>\n
Marshals<\/strong><\/h2>\n ![\"""\"]( "\\"\"\"\\"\/")
<\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/picture><\/div>\nA sign of a happy, healthy club is how many people are willing to give up their day to marshal at races. It\u2019s a selfless act, which I\u2019ve done only once<\/a><\/strong> and where I was admonished for holding up rude signs to club mates and mooning them, which was an excellent way not to be asked again.<\/p>\nNutters<\/strong><\/h2>\nOne of the best things about joining a club is the fantastic array of persuasive lunatics you\u2019ll meet, who will slowly convince you that swimming in water cold enough to give you toothache<\/a><\/strong> is perfectly normal behaviour, and that running races don\u2019t count unless you cycle to them.<\/p>\nOpen-water swimming<\/strong><\/a><\/h2>\nAll the best clubs have a weekend open-water swim<\/a><\/strong> session, which is obviously first thing in the morning to maximise coldness and where you can bond with your clubmates by not speaking for an hour while you\u2019re swimming, nicking all the hot water in the showers and then refusing the marshmallows you really want in your hot chocolate in case you\u2019re seen and judged. Naturally you\u2019re expected to cycle there.<\/p>\nPhotographer<\/strong><\/h2>\nEvery good club should have at least one keen amateur photographer who will snap away at races and then post everything online, no matter how unflattering the photo. Cultivate a friendship with them so that they at least leave out the worst ones which show your moobs or suggest you have the knee lift of a chair.<\/p>\n - Why everyone should vote for Martyn Brunt!<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
- Why Martyn Brunt thinks leaping at the finish line is a no no<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Martyn Brunt on how he chooses triathlon races<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- The importance of the race goody bag according to Martyn Brunt<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Martyn Brunt on his desperation to start racing again<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>
<\/p><\/div> <\/section>
Qualified coaches<\/strong><\/h2>\nAnd I mean qualified, not the kind of people who resemble that bloke in a pub who sidles up and gives you unsolicited advice when you\u2019re playing a fruit machine. Coaches who\u2019ve done courses are worth listening to, much more so than some Spartan cyclist whose lifestyle makes Kim Jong-un look like Oliver Reed, and who says you aren\u2019t taking the sport seriously if you don\u2019t live on rice cakes that taste like a wad of cotton.<\/p>\n
Relays<\/strong><\/h2>\nThe biggest club event of the year. The National Relays is the only place where you can compete against other clubs almost as hard as you do against your teammates. A fantastic fun race where you can see how much better other clubs\u2019 kit, gazebos and flags are than yours.<\/p>\n
- Team GB win mixed relay gold at WTCS Hamburg<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>
Shouty swim coach<\/strong><\/h2>\nThe measure of a good swim coach is not how fast they get you to swim, but whether you can still hear their voice when your head is underwater. A voice that can be heard through your swim cap<\/a><\/strong>, water-filled ears and eight lanes of frantic splashing is a sign that your chosen club has a proper coach on their hands.<\/p>\nTime-trial trophy<\/strong><\/h2>\nSome clubs hold their own race, some join in with their local cycling club, but having a time-trial<\/a> <\/strong>trophy is a great way to still be able to win a club award if you swim like a brick or run like an egg whisk. A convoluted handicapping system, which only the handicapper understands, is essential to ensure everyone has a chance except the bike monster.<\/p>\n More from Martyn Brunt:<\/strong><\/p>\n- Are triathletes raving mad?\u00a0<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Time and tide: Brunt attempts to swim the Channel<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- How to brag on social media without meaning to<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- 10 things your coach often says and what they really mean\u2026<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Brunty confesses his running sins<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Martyn Brunt takes on the Isoman equidistance triathlon<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>
<\/p><\/div> <\/section>
Underhand tactics<\/strong><\/h2>\nI know how to skirt a pothole so that the person drafting on my wheel goes straight down it. I know how to send people swimming into riverbanks when they\u2019ve been tapping my toes. I learned things like this from wise old athletes I met when joining clubs. Listen to their wisdom young grasshopper.<\/p>\n
Veterans<\/strong><\/h2>\nDo you want to hear about long defunct races where you used to rack in hedges, or what life was like before aero helmets and when men in Speedos roamed the earth? No? Well tough, because clubs have loads of older athletes<\/a><\/strong> who know this stuff and they\u2019re going to tell you whether you like it or not.<\/p>\nWeekend rides<\/strong><\/h2>\nAn absolute necessity for any selfrespecting club, the weekend ride<\/a><\/strong> is where you\u2019ll find out everything that matters about your teammates \u2013 who is bike monster?; who are the ruthless climbers and daredevil descenders?; who wants to stop at cafes?; who\u2019s the half-wheeler?; who uses their tri-bars in a bunch?; who avoids a turn at the front?; who knows how to do through and off?; who brakes on corners? etc.<\/p>\n More from Martyn Brunt:<\/strong><\/p>\n- 10 reasons why you should never, ever go on holiday with a triathlete<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
- Why our rivers need to be cleaner<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- 30 things triathlon has given our Brunty<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Plogging: Why Brunty\u2019s runs now involve picking up rubbish<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Triathlon room 101: Brunty\u2019s top 30 pet hates that belong there<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>
<\/p><\/div> <\/section>
XC team<\/strong><\/h2>\nNothing improves your running more than scratching around in the winter mud, so many clubs enter teams in their local cross country<\/a><\/strong> leagues. It\u2019s important that you cycle to them, and that you stress to runners from other clubs that you\u2019ve beaten that you\u2019re just doing this for training. They love that.<\/p>\n
![\"""\"](\""https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/34\/2022\/07\/A-Z-of-why-to-join-a-tri-club-1189364.jpg?quality=90&resize=620%2C413"\" "\\"\"\"\\"\/")
<\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/picture><\/div>\nAwards night<\/strong><\/h2>\nAll good clubs should have an awards night with prizes for the fastest, longest, most dedicated and, ideally, the most hapless (I speak as two-time winner of Coventry Triathletes\u2019 \u2018Who got Hammered\u2019 award). Awards nights are great opportunities to gloat if you\u2019ve won a trophy and nurse grievances if you haven\u2019t, and really help to make up for the inevitable hell of the AGM.<\/p>\n
Bike monster<\/strong><\/h2>\nEvery club has at least one person who is somehow twice as fast as everyone else on a bike. Ride with them whenever you can because, while painful, you will learn things. When I started cycling I descended hills<\/a><\/strong> with all the skill of a dumper truck on a ski slope, but thanks to riding with the bike monster I improved a lot. Not least because if you don\u2019t keep up with them they\u2019ll bugger off and leave you.<\/p>\n - What is a bike chain gang training session?<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
- How much cycling should triathletes do?<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
- How to avoid being a single-paced cyclist<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
- Cycling workout: Improve strength and power<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>
<\/p><\/div> <\/section>
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Committee<\/strong><\/h2>\nDedicated, diplomatic, generous, hard-working \u2013 these are just some of the many qualities I don\u2019t possess, which is why I avoid joining committees. Yet without the devoted and enthusiastic people that make up committees no good club can function, and I like to pay tribute to their selfless commitment by avoiding eye contact with them at AGMs when they\u2019re looking for volunteers.<\/p>\n
Dirty-kit athlete<\/strong><\/h2>\nEvery good club should have at least one member renowned for the grotty state of their kit, which permanently lives in a repellent bag where it has coalesced into a ball and which emerges only on race days accompanied by an odour<\/a><\/strong> that makes the enamel fall off your teeth. Annoyingly, they will also be a very good athlete.<\/p>\nEvenings out\u00a0<\/strong><\/h2>\nAll good clubs should have regular social get-togethers where members young and injured gather for drinking<\/a><\/strong> and plotting. Curry nights are a particular tri-club staple, with everyone trying to outdo each other for the healthiest menu option rather than the butter chicken and giant naan they really want.<\/p>\n - UK triathlon clubs: What to expect when you join<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
- How to start a triathlon club yourself<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Key training sessions from Viceroys Triathlon Club<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Ironman prep: group vs solo training<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>
<\/p><\/div> <\/section>
Facebook page<\/strong><\/h2>\nIn every race there\u2019s only one winner, and the rest of us are left trying to make it sound like we actually won by talking about lifetime PBs, course PBs, age-group results, first-in-club finishes, better-than-expecteds, etc. The best place to do this is on the club\u2019s Facebook page, which exists specifically for this purpose.<\/p>\n
Gazebo<\/strong><\/h2>\nNothing says \u2018proper club\u2019 like having your own branded gazebo, which appears at races for members to leave their kit and litter in. Just as nothing said \u2018disorganised rabble\u2019 like the running club I used to be in which left our kit bags under trees or, occasionally, other club\u2019s gazebos. Some clubs have flags too, which are great for everyone except the poor sod who has to transport them to races and put them up.<\/p>\n
Half-wheelers<\/strong><\/h2>\n ![\"""\"]( "\\"\"\"\\"\/")
<\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/picture><\/div>\nWhen you join a club and go on a training ride, you\u2019ll inevitably end up alongside the club half-wheeler who stays resolutely half-a-wheel length ahead of you no matter how much you speed up to be level. Every club has one, and you\u2019re next to them because no one else wants to be. Wait for someone new to join and them scrape the half-wheeler off on to them.<\/p>\n
Ironman obsessives<\/strong><\/h2>\nEvery club also has at least one Ironman addict and you must face the fact that they will talk you into it too. When I joined Coventry Triathletes in 2003 I\u2019d done one Olympic-distance race which took me over three hours to finish. Eighteen months later I was doing Ironman Canada, which I was talked into signing up for by the pair of athletic psychopaths who were organising that year\u2019s \u2018club outing\u2019.<\/p>\n
- Can anyone complete an Ironman?<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>
Juniors<\/strong><\/h2>\nHaving young club members is not only excellent for the future of the sport but, and I speak as an athlete old enough to remember Dunlop Green Flash pumps, it gives you an important demographic to beat in club races \u2013 for a while at least.<\/p>\n - How much triathlon training should children do?<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
- How much strength training should kids do?<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
- Training for triathlon as a young female<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>
<\/p><\/div> <\/section>
Kit<\/strong><\/a><\/h2>\nOne of the most important questions to ask yourself when deciding whether to join a club is \u2018What will I look like in the kit?\u2019 Also consider: \u2018Is the design lurid enough to cause public embarrassment?\u2019; \u2018Is there associated leisurewear to impress strangers in supermarkets?\u2019; and \u2018Will it go see-through when wet and show my bits off?\u2019<\/p>\n
Local knowledge<\/strong><\/h2>\nOne of the best things about clubs is that they\u2019re full of people who know good routes to cycle, and which places to avoid when going out running, particularly when you\u2019re tired and less able to escape the mockery of teenage gangs.<\/p>\n
Marshals<\/strong><\/h2>\n ![\"""\"]( "\\"\"\"\\"\/")
<\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/picture><\/div>\nA sign of a happy, healthy club is how many people are willing to give up their day to marshal at races. It\u2019s a selfless act, which I\u2019ve done only once<\/a><\/strong> and where I was admonished for holding up rude signs to club mates and mooning them, which was an excellent way not to be asked again.<\/p>\nNutters<\/strong><\/h2>\nOne of the best things about joining a club is the fantastic array of persuasive lunatics you\u2019ll meet, who will slowly convince you that swimming in water cold enough to give you toothache<\/a><\/strong> is perfectly normal behaviour, and that running races don\u2019t count unless you cycle to them.<\/p>\nOpen-water swimming<\/strong><\/a><\/h2>\nAll the best clubs have a weekend open-water swim<\/a><\/strong> session, which is obviously first thing in the morning to maximise coldness and where you can bond with your clubmates by not speaking for an hour while you\u2019re swimming, nicking all the hot water in the showers and then refusing the marshmallows you really want in your hot chocolate in case you\u2019re seen and judged. Naturally you\u2019re expected to cycle there.<\/p>\nPhotographer<\/strong><\/h2>\nEvery good club should have at least one keen amateur photographer who will snap away at races and then post everything online, no matter how unflattering the photo. Cultivate a friendship with them so that they at least leave out the worst ones which show your moobs or suggest you have the knee lift of a chair.<\/p>\n - Why everyone should vote for Martyn Brunt!<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
- Why Martyn Brunt thinks leaping at the finish line is a no no<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Martyn Brunt on how he chooses triathlon races<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- The importance of the race goody bag according to Martyn Brunt<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Martyn Brunt on his desperation to start racing again<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>
<\/p><\/div> <\/section>
Qualified coaches<\/strong><\/h2>\nAnd I mean qualified, not the kind of people who resemble that bloke in a pub who sidles up and gives you unsolicited advice when you\u2019re playing a fruit machine. Coaches who\u2019ve done courses are worth listening to, much more so than some Spartan cyclist whose lifestyle makes Kim Jong-un look like Oliver Reed, and who says you aren\u2019t taking the sport seriously if you don\u2019t live on rice cakes that taste like a wad of cotton.<\/p>\n
Relays<\/strong><\/h2>\nThe biggest club event of the year. The National Relays is the only place where you can compete against other clubs almost as hard as you do against your teammates. A fantastic fun race where you can see how much better other clubs\u2019 kit, gazebos and flags are than yours.<\/p>\n
- Team GB win mixed relay gold at WTCS Hamburg<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>
Shouty swim coach<\/strong><\/h2>\nThe measure of a good swim coach is not how fast they get you to swim, but whether you can still hear their voice when your head is underwater. A voice that can be heard through your swim cap<\/a><\/strong>, water-filled ears and eight lanes of frantic splashing is a sign that your chosen club has a proper coach on their hands.<\/p>\nTime-trial trophy<\/strong><\/h2>\nSome clubs hold their own race, some join in with their local cycling club, but having a time-trial<\/a> <\/strong>trophy is a great way to still be able to win a club award if you swim like a brick or run like an egg whisk. A convoluted handicapping system, which only the handicapper understands, is essential to ensure everyone has a chance except the bike monster.<\/p>\n More from Martyn Brunt:<\/strong><\/p>\n- Are triathletes raving mad?\u00a0<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Time and tide: Brunt attempts to swim the Channel<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- How to brag on social media without meaning to<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- 10 things your coach often says and what they really mean\u2026<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Brunty confesses his running sins<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Martyn Brunt takes on the Isoman equidistance triathlon<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>
<\/p><\/div> <\/section>
Underhand tactics<\/strong><\/h2>\nI know how to skirt a pothole so that the person drafting on my wheel goes straight down it. I know how to send people swimming into riverbanks when they\u2019ve been tapping my toes. I learned things like this from wise old athletes I met when joining clubs. Listen to their wisdom young grasshopper.<\/p>\n
Veterans<\/strong><\/h2>\nDo you want to hear about long defunct races where you used to rack in hedges, or what life was like before aero helmets and when men in Speedos roamed the earth? No? Well tough, because clubs have loads of older athletes<\/a><\/strong> who know this stuff and they\u2019re going to tell you whether you like it or not.<\/p>\nWeekend rides<\/strong><\/h2>\nAn absolute necessity for any selfrespecting club, the weekend ride<\/a><\/strong> is where you\u2019ll find out everything that matters about your teammates \u2013 who is bike monster?; who are the ruthless climbers and daredevil descenders?; who wants to stop at cafes?; who\u2019s the half-wheeler?; who uses their tri-bars in a bunch?; who avoids a turn at the front?; who knows how to do through and off?; who brakes on corners? etc.<\/p>\n More from Martyn Brunt:<\/strong><\/p>\n- 10 reasons why you should never, ever go on holiday with a triathlete<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
- Why our rivers need to be cleaner<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- 30 things triathlon has given our Brunty<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Plogging: Why Brunty\u2019s runs now involve picking up rubbish<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n
- Triathlon room 101: Brunty\u2019s top 30 pet hates that belong there<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>
<\/p><\/div> <\/section>
XC team<\/strong><\/h2>\nNothing improves your running more than scratching around in the winter mud, so many clubs enter teams in their local cross country<\/a><\/strong> leagues. It\u2019s important that you cycle to them, and that you stress to runners from other clubs that you\u2019ve beaten that you\u2019re just doing this for training. They love that.<\/p>\n
Every club has at least one person who is somehow twice as fast as everyone else on a bike. Ride with them whenever you can because, while painful, you will learn things. When I started cycling I descended hills<\/a><\/strong> with all the skill of a dumper truck on a ski slope, but thanks to riding with the bike monster I improved a lot. Not least because if you don\u2019t keep up with them they\u2019ll bugger off and leave you.<\/p>\n <\/p><\/div> <\/section> \u00a0<\/p>\n Dedicated, diplomatic, generous, hard-working \u2013 these are just some of the many qualities I don\u2019t possess, which is why I avoid joining committees. Yet without the devoted and enthusiastic people that make up committees no good club can function, and I like to pay tribute to their selfless commitment by avoiding eye contact with them at AGMs when they\u2019re looking for volunteers.<\/p>\n Every good club should have at least one member renowned for the grotty state of their kit, which permanently lives in a repellent bag where it has coalesced into a ball and which emerges only on race days accompanied by an odour<\/a><\/strong> that makes the enamel fall off your teeth. Annoyingly, they will also be a very good athlete.<\/p>\n All good clubs should have regular social get-togethers where members young and injured gather for drinking<\/a><\/strong> and plotting. Curry nights are a particular tri-club staple, with everyone trying to outdo each other for the healthiest menu option rather than the butter chicken and giant naan they really want.<\/p>\n <\/p><\/div> <\/section> In every race there\u2019s only one winner, and the rest of us are left trying to make it sound like we actually won by talking about lifetime PBs, course PBs, age-group results, first-in-club finishes, better-than-expecteds, etc. The best place to do this is on the club\u2019s Facebook page, which exists specifically for this purpose.<\/p>\n Nothing says \u2018proper club\u2019 like having your own branded gazebo, which appears at races for members to leave their kit and litter in. Just as nothing said \u2018disorganised rabble\u2019 like the running club I used to be in which left our kit bags under trees or, occasionally, other club\u2019s gazebos. Some clubs have flags too, which are great for everyone except the poor sod who has to transport them to races and put them up.<\/p>\n When you join a club and go on a training ride, you\u2019ll inevitably end up alongside the club half-wheeler who stays resolutely half-a-wheel length ahead of you no matter how much you speed up to be level. Every club has one, and you\u2019re next to them because no one else wants to be. Wait for someone new to join and them scrape the half-wheeler off on to them.<\/p>\n Every club also has at least one Ironman addict and you must face the fact that they will talk you into it too. When I joined Coventry Triathletes in 2003 I\u2019d done one Olympic-distance race which took me over three hours to finish. Eighteen months later I was doing Ironman Canada, which I was talked into signing up for by the pair of athletic psychopaths who were organising that year\u2019s \u2018club outing\u2019.<\/p>\n Having young club members is not only excellent for the future of the sport but, and I speak as an athlete old enough to remember Dunlop Green Flash pumps, it gives you an important demographic to beat in club races \u2013 for a while at least.<\/p>\n <\/p><\/div> <\/section> One of the most important questions to ask yourself when deciding whether to join a club is \u2018What will I look like in the kit?\u2019 Also consider: \u2018Is the design lurid enough to cause public embarrassment?\u2019; \u2018Is there associated leisurewear to impress strangers in supermarkets?\u2019; and \u2018Will it go see-through when wet and show my bits off?\u2019<\/p>\n One of the best things about clubs is that they\u2019re full of people who know good routes to cycle, and which places to avoid when going out running, particularly when you\u2019re tired and less able to escape the mockery of teenage gangs.<\/p>\n A sign of a happy, healthy club is how many people are willing to give up their day to marshal at races. It\u2019s a selfless act, which I\u2019ve done only once<\/a><\/strong> and where I was admonished for holding up rude signs to club mates and mooning them, which was an excellent way not to be asked again.<\/p>\n One of the best things about joining a club is the fantastic array of persuasive lunatics you\u2019ll meet, who will slowly convince you that swimming in water cold enough to give you toothache<\/a><\/strong> is perfectly normal behaviour, and that running races don\u2019t count unless you cycle to them.<\/p>\n All the best clubs have a weekend open-water swim<\/a><\/strong> session, which is obviously first thing in the morning to maximise coldness and where you can bond with your clubmates by not speaking for an hour while you\u2019re swimming, nicking all the hot water in the showers and then refusing the marshmallows you really want in your hot chocolate in case you\u2019re seen and judged. Naturally you\u2019re expected to cycle there.<\/p>\n Every good club should have at least one keen amateur photographer who will snap away at races and then post everything online, no matter how unflattering the photo. Cultivate a friendship with them so that they at least leave out the worst ones which show your moobs or suggest you have the knee lift of a chair.<\/p>\n <\/p><\/div> <\/section> And I mean qualified, not the kind of people who resemble that bloke in a pub who sidles up and gives you unsolicited advice when you\u2019re playing a fruit machine. Coaches who\u2019ve done courses are worth listening to, much more so than some Spartan cyclist whose lifestyle makes Kim Jong-un look like Oliver Reed, and who says you aren\u2019t taking the sport seriously if you don\u2019t live on rice cakes that taste like a wad of cotton.<\/p>\n The biggest club event of the year. The National Relays is the only place where you can compete against other clubs almost as hard as you do against your teammates. A fantastic fun race where you can see how much better other clubs\u2019 kit, gazebos and flags are than yours.<\/p>\n The measure of a good swim coach is not how fast they get you to swim, but whether you can still hear their voice when your head is underwater. A voice that can be heard through your swim cap<\/a><\/strong>, water-filled ears and eight lanes of frantic splashing is a sign that your chosen club has a proper coach on their hands.<\/p>\n Some clubs hold their own race, some join in with their local cycling club, but having a time-trial<\/a> <\/strong>trophy is a great way to still be able to win a club award if you swim like a brick or run like an egg whisk. A convoluted handicapping system, which only the handicapper understands, is essential to ensure everyone has a chance except the bike monster.<\/p>\n More from Martyn Brunt:<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p><\/div> <\/section> I know how to skirt a pothole so that the person drafting on my wheel goes straight down it. I know how to send people swimming into riverbanks when they\u2019ve been tapping my toes. I learned things like this from wise old athletes I met when joining clubs. Listen to their wisdom young grasshopper.<\/p>\n Do you want to hear about long defunct races where you used to rack in hedges, or what life was like before aero helmets and when men in Speedos roamed the earth? No? Well tough, because clubs have loads of older athletes<\/a><\/strong> who know this stuff and they\u2019re going to tell you whether you like it or not.<\/p>\n An absolute necessity for any selfrespecting club, the weekend ride<\/a><\/strong> is where you\u2019ll find out everything that matters about your teammates \u2013 who is bike monster?; who are the ruthless climbers and daredevil descenders?; who wants to stop at cafes?; who\u2019s the half-wheeler?; who uses their tri-bars in a bunch?; who avoids a turn at the front?; who knows how to do through and off?; who brakes on corners? etc.<\/p>\n More from Martyn Brunt:<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p><\/div> <\/section> Nothing improves your running more than scratching around in the winter mud, so many clubs enter teams in their local cross country<\/a><\/strong> leagues. It\u2019s important that you cycle to them, and that you stress to runners from other clubs that you\u2019ve beaten that you\u2019re just doing this for training. They love that.<\/p>\nCommittee<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Dirty-kit athlete<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Evenings out\u00a0<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Facebook page<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Gazebo<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Half-wheelers<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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<\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/picture><\/div>\nIronman obsessives<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Juniors<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Kit<\/strong><\/a><\/h2>\n
Local knowledge<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Marshals<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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<\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/picture><\/div>\nNutters<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Open-water swimming<\/strong><\/a><\/h2>\n
Photographer<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Qualified coaches<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Relays<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Shouty swim coach<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Time-trial trophy<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Underhand tactics<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Veterans<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Weekend rides<\/strong><\/h2>\n
XC team<\/strong><\/h2>\n