I feel I must address the topic of \u2018race swag\u2019, which is on my mind because I\u2019ve just completed a race and walked away with the greatest array of gifts I\u2019ve ever received in 20 years of racing.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Race gifts are always something of a lottery, and I\u2019ve emerged from the finish area of many an athletic endeavour with little more than a plastic bag full of leaflets for my efforts.<\/p>\n

I remember one occasion where, after a forensic search through the many flyers contained in the post-race carrier I was given, I realised that my goodies were a couple of sachets\u00a0of muscle rub and a small packet of Love Hearts \u2013 ideal recovery items for the weary athlete.<\/p>\n

On such occasions I naturally try and make up for this shortfall by making\u00a0off with as many bananas and drinks as I can carry.<\/p>\n

10 reasons why you should never go on holiday with a triathlete<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
10 of the best ways to lose dignity when entering the water<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n
Brunty\u2019s top 30 triathlon pet hates<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>
<\/p><\/div> <\/section>
Hitting the big time<\/strong><\/h2>\n
That said, I once completed a bike and run event in Italy called the Grancombinata d\u2019Italia, and at the somewhat chaotic finish line I had\u00a0a litre of wine thrust into my hand and so many bags of pasta that I had to pay an extra baggage charge on the flight home.<\/p>\n
Yet even this has been trumped\u00a0by the race I\u2019ve just done \u2013 the \u2018 Dramathon<\/strong><\/a>\u2019, a trail marathon in\u00a0the Highlands of Scotland, which starts at the Glenfarclas\u00a0Whisky Distillery, ends at\u00a0the Glenfiddich Distillery,\u00a0and visits several other distilleries along the route, including Cragganmore, Ballindalloch, Cardhu, Tamdhu and other places of pilgrimage.<\/p>\n
Having completed the somewhat beautiful route through Speyside I was rewarded with nine \u2013 NINE! \u2013 miniature whisky bottles from the distilleries we\u2019d passed, a whisky glass with \u2018Dinnae bottle it\u2019 etched on it, a t-shirt, a foldable cup and a medal made out of a piece of whisky barrel. Didn\u2019t he do well!<\/p>\n

Swim galas have been where I\u2019ve done the worst in cost vs goodies equation <\/blockquote> <\/div> <\/div> <\/div>\n<\/div>
Swimming galas have typically been the events where I\u2019ve done the worst in the cost vs goodies equation \u2013 so much so that I\u2019ve been known on occasion to liberate certain items from poolside, and to this day my garage wall is adorned with signs declaring that diving is prohibited and there should be no bombing, pushing or heavy petting.<\/p>\n
Ironman races are where I tend to get the biggest free gifts, like rucksacks, hats and t-shirts \u2013 although I\u2019m not sure \u2018free\u2019 is quite the right word given the average cost of race entries.<\/p>\n
Goodies to be grateful for<\/strong><\/h2>\n
But it tends to be the more random or useful race gifts that I remember best, such as:<\/p>\n
Compression socks, where my calf muscles were measured with string to ensure the right size.<\/li>\n
A pair of tri-shorts with an insert that was so uncomfortable that it made cycling feel like I was sitting on a typewriter.<\/li>\n
Body wipes, which were especially useful because since taking up triathlon, public urination has become one of the main cornerstones of my life.<\/li>\n
A plastic banana slicer, in the shape of a banana, which is too blunt to cut slices so just mashes the banana into a pulp.<\/li>\n
A drawstring woolly hat with\u00a0a hole in the top, which made\u00a0me look like someone had just shaved a bison.<\/li>\n<\/ul>
Another notable array of gifts I received was after the Warwickshire Bear Ultra, where I received a bottle of cider, the tastiest flapjack I\u2019ve ever eaten and a piece of paper declaring that a tree had been planted in my name.<\/p>\n
This last gift was especially lovely and really appeals to a person like me \u2013 someone with a draw stuffed full of race t-shirts<\/strong><\/a> that I haven\u2019t worn in five years.<\/p>\n
Anyway, that\u2019s now triathlon, duathlon, aquathlon, marathon, swimathon, bikeathon and dramathon that I\u2019ve done.<\/p>\n
And I will definitely be returning to do the last of these again, not least because I drank the miniatures at the finish and now can\u2019t remember what the course looks like. Cheers!<\/p>\n
Illustration: Daniel Seex<\/strong><\/a><\/p><\/body><\/html>\n
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