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For lovers of music, dating an opera singer may seem like a great idea. After all, you know your Verdi<\/a> from your Puccini<\/a>, which gives you plenty to talk about straight from the off. As your relationship develops, you\u2019ll probably find that you can throw your date into any party of people, knowing they\u2019ll charm the pants off everyone there with their confident performance and hobnobbing skills.<\/strong><\/p> And, of course, it\u2019s a brilliant novelty to be able to tell friends, \u2018Yeah, he\u2019s an opera singer\u2019 \u2013 because, let\u2019s face it, it\u2019s more interesting than \u2018Yeah, he works in server networks\u2019, to which the only answer is, \u2018Oh. Ok.\u2019<\/p> Perhaps you\u2019re in a relationship already, and your partner has started learning classical voice. In which case, you\u2019ll have all the above pros, but also a few new points to factor in \u2013 namely the sudden drop in income, late nights in the practice room and new (younger) friends they\u2019re hanging out with. This is all fine, because one day, you\u2019ll be in a private box at the ROH with your parents, watching your significant other in the lead role. Right?<\/p> Well, maybe. I first met a sub-editor, who became an opera singer. It\u2019s not all bad (reader, I married him) but there are definitely some things to bear in mind if your other half is on that journey. As neither Verdi nor Puccini ever wrote, \u2018it\u2019s a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll\u2019.<\/p> There is a third party in your relationship now: your partner\u2019s voice. Previously, your partner would sing for fun, perhaps even wail out some Freddie Mercury while in the shower. But now that they\u2019re learning to sing \u2018proper\u2019, the shower singing becomes much weirder, and the voice much more all-encompassing.<\/p> The basis for teaching someone to sing is intangible: it\u2019s done through a mix of visualisations, metaphors and strange physical exercises to help \u2018free\u2019 the voice. This is a lifetime\u2019s journey, filled with personal revelations that they will want to share with you. Did you know you had a soft palate and a hard palate? You do now. Get used to it, because you\u2019ll hear so much about this voice in the months and years to come that eventually it will take on its own identity.<\/p> At this point, that person is no longer your boyfriend, girlfriend, partner or husband and you should not think of them as such. No, it\u2019s best for your own sanity to now think of them as your singer<\/em> \u2013 because that is how they are redefining themselves in the world. <\/p> Let me put this clearly: if you\u2019re both ultimately hoping for red carpet success, which would result in the big house, grand piano, enormous practice room and fantastic views, your partner\u2019s voice has to become the most important thing in your life for quite a long time. Which means\u2026 <\/p> This is a tough one. The problem with pubs is not necessarily the alcohol \u2013 sure, it dries the throat, but you can live with that in moderation. More dangerous to an opera singer is the loud music \u2013 or worse still, pub band \u2013 that you have to shout over to be heard. The more alcohol you drink, the less you care about protecting your voice. <\/p> Just one night\u2019s indulgence can knock out an entire day\u2019s singing the next day. And you can\u2019t afford that, if you\u2019re hoping for some decent money to come in at some point. Become a member of your local cinema, or start learning sign language.<\/p> If you clocked my AC\/DC reference earlier, this one\u2019s really going to hurt. It goes back to singing lessons: we learn by imitation \u2013 it\u2019s second nature to copy what we hear. Young women will be put on a diet of such singers as Ren\u00e9e Fleming, Maria Callas<\/a><\/strong> or Sarah Connolly<\/a><\/strong>; or for men, it could be Luciano Pavarotti<\/a><\/strong>, Bryn Terfel<\/a><\/strong> or John Tomlinson. <\/p> Rock music, with its scraping chest voice, is about as far away from classical singing as it\u2019s possible to be. In fact, most other genres are best avoided around the house if you ever want to have any disposable income again. Time to get some wireless headphones and take up jogging?<\/p> If you think operas are time consuming to watch, try being in one. There\u2019s learning the words, then the music, then how to best sing it \u2013 which may require a lesson or two (see point 7, \u2018Get used to being skint\u2019), rehearsals with the rest of the company, dress rehearsals, walk-throughs and finally<\/em> the shows themselves. So if you want company at any of your mates\u2019 weddings, christenings, birthdays and any other social event that might happen on a weekend, forget it.<\/p> Turns out that spicy food \u2013 that tikka masala you used to love on a Friday night \u2013 can be extremely bad for the voice. Your singer\u2019s stomach, which you used to admire (or at least lovingly tease them about), is now a note-generating machine, and as well as forcing huge volumes of air upwards through the mouth, can also push acid up towards the throat and cause reflux. So, if you want your curry fix, you\u2019ll have to do it in secret. Of course, there will be plenty of chances to do this, as you\u2019ll have most evenings to yourself during an opera run.<\/p> The same goes for caffeine. If you want to continue drinking normal coffee \u2013 and again, this depends on how supportive you\u2019re feeling \u2013 then buy yourself a single cafetiere. Caffeine dries out the throat and causes jaw tension, and of course contains milk, which (sorry) mixes with your saliva and coats your soft palate and throat. Your partner can\u2019t sing \u2018on\u2019 that, so you\u2019ll be making tea and coffee pots for one. I\u2019m afraid chocolate will be out for the same reason. <\/p> Every new singer has a side hustle \u2013 for my partner, it was freelance editing \u2013 but once they start landing roles, that part-time lifeline has to shrink to make way for the all-consuming practice. Two hours is the minimum for a session, in order to warm up, find the vocal position, sing through your pieces, work on particular sections and sit gazing longingly out of the window, dreaming of the future. <\/p> It\u2019s hard to fit this in around a full-time contract, so eventually you\u2019ll have to start turning them down. There is no seamless transition from \u2018normal\u2019 job to \u2018performer\u2019, unless you have savings you\u2019re prepared to use up or jump off the property ladder in order to pay your way for a bit (this is not<\/em> recommended).<\/p> On top of this, you still have to pay for singing lessons, however high up you get. There are stories of singing teachers accompanying the most prestigious opera stars to rehearsals and silently miming actions during the piece to help that singer get through it. In fact, the only other person more important than your singer\u2019s voice is not actually you, it\u2019s their teacher. You\u2019ll have to find peace with this.<\/p> If you\u2019re planning a family, or pregnant, you either need a support network around you, or you need to be prepared to go it alone during the day and during the night. Oh didn\u2019t I mention? Lack of sleep can really damage a voice, so you\u2019ll be doing the night shift with the new baby, too. <\/p> Prepare yourself to be home alone, surrounded by half-sorted clothes, doing your 17th breastfeed that day and scrolling Facebook when a photo will crop up of your partner in their latest performance, probably dancing on a table (or a vintage car, if it\u2019s ENO) and looking radiant. Worse luck if they\u2019ve got the romantic lead, but at least by that point, you probably won\u2019t care.<\/p> Whether it\u2019s a Puccini operetta or a Wagner<\/a><\/strong> cycle, operas can last for anything from one hour to five. Your singer has to learn all the words and music, and they will leak this score constantly around the house. You may have loved Mozart<\/a><\/strong> before, but you will soon come to loathe his recitative<\/a><\/strong> with a passion when you find yourself humming an ever-reversing cycle of fifths that, you realise bitterly, could be any of his operas. Preserve your sanity. Get some earplugs.<\/p> However if this doesn\u2019t put you off, you\u2019re in for an enriching and music-filled life together. There are opportunities for travel, stimulating new acquaintances and some excellent stories while you\u2019re at it. If you\u2019re not fussed about planning every part of your life in advance, this is the kind of life you\u2019re going to love. Bon voyage!<\/strong><\/p>1. It\u2019s a high-maintenance threesome<\/strong><\/h3>
2. You\u2019ll never go to the pub together again<\/strong><\/h3>
3. Rock music will become a guilty secret<\/strong><\/h3>
4. Say goodbye to weddings<\/strong><\/h3>
5. Start secret eating<\/strong><\/h3>
6. Say goodbye to tea and coffee<\/strong><\/h3>
7. Get used to being skint<\/strong><\/h3>
8. Be prepared to single-parent<\/strong><\/h3>
9. Say hello to earworms<\/strong><\/h3>