\u2018Two perfumes which combine and complete each other perfectly, like the ying and yang or night and day,\u2019 wafts the introduction to the pianist\u2019s two fragrances, one for him and one for her. At least the pianist is around to willingly extend his brand reach beyond the keyboard. The same cannot be said of those great composers and performers now long dead, whose names and reputations have been purloined by big business and applied to all manner of products. Welcome to the weird world of composer brands…<\/p> Most of us agree that Beethoven was deaf<\/a><\/strong>. However, to Audicus, a hearing aid supplier, he was more accurately hearing-impaired: \u2018Beethoven<\/a><\/strong> was not only one of the world\u2019s greatest composers \u2013 he was also one of the bravest hearing-impaired people of all time.\u2019 <\/p> It\u2019s hard to imagine the forthright composer accepting \u2018impairment\u2019 as a term to describe a condition that sent him into rages, and almost drove him to suicide. Still, were Beethoven alive today and, assuming he accepted Audicus\u2019s sensitive description of his condition, it\u2019s fair to say we might be seeing him on our TV screens casting aside his aged ear trumpet as he extols the virtues of the company\u2019s latest hearing-impairment product.\u00a0<\/p> Chopin<\/a><\/strong> was an artist of refinement who moved in the highest circles, but who rarely enjoyed the best of health. Not only that, he was a foreigner who lived in that most peculiar of all cities: Paris. Put all these ingredients together and you have one of those people most likely to\u2026 own a bidet. <\/p> Hence, yes, the Chopin bidet range that can be found at various bathroom outfitters across the web. Often mistaken by British tourists as a footbath, this low-lying bowl is actually a \u2013 well, you know the rest. Perhaps to the strains of his \u2018Raindrop\u2019 Prelude, and for a small consideration, the composer might have been persuaded to urge us to buy while stocks last.\u00a0<\/p> George Gershwin<\/a><\/strong>: the epitome of New York style in the 1930s. So it\u2019s not hard to imagine him lending his name to the Gershwin tuxedo shirt, \u2018the best tuxedo shirt in the world\u2019. Designed in Dallas and \u2018crafted\u2019 in Los Angeles, the limited-production shirt is made of moisture-wicking fabric to guide away that performance perspiration. <\/p> There’s also a crisp collar with a \u2018touch of stretch\u2019 and, most importantly, flat seams to \u2018reduce chafe\u2019. \u2018In testing,\u2019 says manufacturer Coregami\u2019s spiel, \u2018it has weathered over 40 symphony concerts, six outdoor weddings and two nights at the club.\u2019 About par for a typical week in Gershwin\u2019s life.\u00a0<\/p> A few whistles and cries of \u2018encore\u2019 is about as extreme as things get in today\u2019s concerts, but when Franz Liszt<\/a><\/strong> was in town, things were very different. On glimpsing the handsome pianist, ladies of otherwise sound mind would throw themselves upon him, fighting over his handkerchiefs and pulling at his hair. <\/p> There are no reports of them throwing their undergarments at him, which is why American Apparel\u2019s Liszt thong \u2013 emblazoned with the composer\u2019s image, no less \u2013 is such an inspired creation, one that can be carried discreetly in a small evening bag and tossed enthusiastically in his direction.<\/p> A piano named after a composer or performer is about as relevant a musical association as it possible to make. Daniel Barenboim<\/a><\/strong> recently launched his Barenboim piano to an excited press at London\u2019s Royal Festival Hall. Meanwhile, across the other side of the world in China is a factory producing upright pianos under the brand name Mendelssohn. <\/p> Around 40 million children are learning the piano in China, and the country makes around 400,000 Here\u2019s one product that would be sure to receive its namesake\u2019s enthusiastic support. The Mozart bra was produced by Triumph International (Japan) to mark the 200th anniversary of the composer\u2019s death. However, the feature that would have set Wolfy\u2019s pulse racing were the lights sewn into the material that flashed when the bra was unclasped, an action that prompted it to play Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star<\/em>. At which point, Mozart<\/a><\/strong> might have demanded they change it to a piece he composed, rather If ever a star and a product were made for each other, it\u2019s the violinist Paganini<\/a><\/strong> \u2013 whose name was once a byword for diabolical behaviour \u2013 and cigarettes. In 2014, a Hong Kong-based company applied to register a trademark for Paganini smoking products that included ashtrays, chewing tobacco and electronic cigarettes. <\/p> However, this isn\u2019t the first time the violin virtuoso has been linked to tobacco. In 1914, he and 19 other great classical composers and artists were featured on cigarette cards published by WD & The one singer in our list otherwise dominated by composers, Enrico Caruso<\/a><\/strong> wasn\u2019t the most svelte figure ever to stride the globe. He liked his food, so it\u2019s a fair bet that, had he been asked and the terms were satisfactory, he\u2019d have lent his name to Caruso sauce. <\/p> The condiment was created in Uruguay in the 1950s as a tribute to the Italian lyric tenor, who toured South America several times. It is served warm with pasta and contains cream, ham, cheese, onions, walnuts and mushrooms, and flour for thickening. It has since become very popular, not only in Uruguay but in neighbouring countries too. Next in the range: \u2018Caruso sushi \u2013 just like Madama used to make\u2019?<\/p> In 2009 hi-fi company Dynaudio created a bespoke in-car entertainment system for a Bugatti Veyron Grand Sport, called the Puccini. The composer<\/a><\/strong> loved driving fast cars, so it\u2019s likely he\u2019d have jumped at the chance to have his name on a piece of hi-fi intended for one of the world\u2019s fastest \u2013 the Bugatti Veyron. <\/p> Indeed, Ettore Bugatti, who founded the car company in 1909, would have encouraged the association, since his parents were friends of the composer. With its bass\/midrange drivers tuned to\u00a0deliver \u2018a tight and dynamic sound, with deep bass and excellent mid-range reproduction\u2019, La boh\u00e8me<\/a><\/strong><\/em> never sounded so good at 270mph.<\/p> The composer could have cleaned up (commercially speaking) with this vodka bearing his name. It would have been a copywriter\u2019s dream: \u2018When my First Symphony was panned by the critics, I just took a slug of my Rachmaninov vodka and composed my Second Piano Concerto<\/a><\/strong>, the world\u2019s greatest. Rachmaninov Vodka revives those parts of the composer hypnotherapists cannot reach.\u2019 <\/p> The drink is sold by Lidl, the supermarket chain, in two strengths: 37.5% ABV (red label) and 40% ABV (blue label). Reviews of it are mixed, but a fair number of tasters agree it\u2019s indistinguishable from premium brands. A bit like Rachmaninov<\/a><\/strong>\u2019s music.<\/p> Franz Schubert<\/a><\/strong>, who suffered from serious illnesses including syphilis throughout much of his short adult life, was at one stage prescribed mercury steam baths, otherwise known as \u2018die grosse Kur\u2019. Remarkably, in between these poisonous ablutions, he composed Die sch\u00f6ne M\u00fcllerin<\/em>, one of his greatest song cycles. <\/p> It\u2019s not difficult, therefore, to imagine how a usually destitute Schubert (he was terrible with money) might have been tempted to lend his name to Alloyfold\u2019s high-quality, 41-gallon free-standing bathtub. For the record, it\u2019s a generous 59″ long, and is made of two sheets of premium acrylic.\u00a0<\/p> Schumann<\/a><\/strong> must have spent many unhappy hours in doctors\u2019 waiting rooms during his frequent bouts of depression and mental disorders. It\u2019s not inconceivable that, during these periods, he might have considered the quality of the chairs he was forced to sit upon. <\/p> Inspired, perhaps, by a particularly uncomfortable one, he may very well have designed the sleek steel and aluminium beam-mounted waiting seat, electrostatically powder coated for a durable finish, that today bears his name. Later, his fellow composer could equally well have designed the Tchaikovsky<\/a><\/strong> cinema seat, also available from Schumann\u2019s manufacturing partner, Alloyfold.\u00a0<\/p> \u2018Delightful, fresh Verdi invigorates with a clean, crisp fragrance of lime and lemongrass. Contemporary packaging and competitive pricing makes Verdi a popular choice.\u2019 <\/p> You\u2019ve got to hand it to Giuseppe Verdi<\/a><\/strong>. One moment he\u2019s putting the finishing touches to his great Ancient Egypt-set opera Aida<\/a><\/strong><\/em>, the next he\u2019s applying his considerable talents to creating and marketing his extensive range of hotel bathroom products including, in no particular order, a shoe-shine sponge, shower gel and a pump for a five-litre refill of hair and body wash. Who knows where he got the idea from, but don\u2019t be surprised to see him in the next episode of Dragons\u2019 Den<\/em>, pushing for the next tranche of investment. Verdi nail bar, anyone? I\u2019m out.<\/p> What is it with great composers and bathtubs? Following Schubert\u2019s \u2018freestander\u2019 model (without overflow), here\u2019s something altogether more sophisticated, not to mention sociable. <\/p>1\/ Beethoven hearing aid<\/strong><\/h2>
2\/ Chopin bidet<\/strong><\/h2>
3\/<\/strong> Gershwin tuxedo shirt<\/strong><\/h2>
![\"George](\"https:\/\/c02.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/43\/2024\/09\/Untitled-design-2024-09-10T110625.380.jpg\")
4\/<\/strong> Franz Liszt classic thong\u00a0<\/strong><\/h2>
‘The Liszt thong can be carried discreetly and tossed enthusiastically in his direction’<\/h4>
5\/<\/strong> Mendelssohn piano<\/strong> <\/h2>
6\/<\/strong> Mozart bra<\/strong> <\/h2>
7\/<\/strong> Paganini cigarettes<\/strong><\/h2>
![\"Composer](\"https:\/\/c02.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/43\/2024\/09\/Untitled-design-2024-09-10T111004.454.jpg\")
8\/<\/strong> Caruso sauce<\/strong><\/h2>
9\/<\/strong> Puccini audio system<\/strong><\/h2>
10\/ Rachmaninov vodka<\/strong><\/h2>
![\"Russian](\"https:\/\/c02.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/43\/2024\/09\/Untitled-design-2024-09-10T111307.282.jpg\")
11\/<\/strong> Schubert bathtub<\/strong><\/h2>
12\/<\/strong> Schumann waiting seat<\/strong> <\/h2>
13\/<\/strong> Verdi bathroom products<\/strong><\/h2>
![\"Italian](\"https:\/\/c02.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/43\/2024\/09\/Untitled-design-2024-09-10T111616.706.jpg\")
14\/<\/strong> Vivaldi 1678 hot tub<\/strong> <\/h2>
‘It’s billed as \u2018adults only\u2019 which, knowing Vivaldi, seems appropriate’ <\/h4>