{"id":21328,"date":"2022-12-22T16:58:44","date_gmt":"2022-12-22T15:58:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/?post_type=purple_issue&p=21328"},"modified":"2023-01-03T11:23:57","modified_gmt":"2023-01-03T10:23:57","slug":"social-anxiety-how-to-defeat-the-dread-of-party-season","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/2022\/12\/22\/social-anxiety-how-to-defeat-the-dread-of-party-season\/","title":{"rendered":"Social anxiety: how to defeat the dread of party season"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

SOCIAL ANXIETY:<\/h2>\n\n

HOW TO DEFEAT THE DREAD OF PARTY SEASON <\/strong><\/h2>\n\n

Christmas comes but once a year, and its many parties fill some with fear <\/h4>\n\n
\"\"
Look out for anyone who may be feeling left out and try to make it easier for them to feel included<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n

A s December draws to a close, so too does party season. Whether it\u2019s the office Christmas party, a Yuletide family get together or New Year\u2019s Eve, the idea of socialising fills many people with dread. If all the parties over the festive period stressed you out, the first thing to say is you\u2019re not alone. Of course, there\u2019s a spectrum of severity, but feeling nervous about socialising is incredibly common. <\/p>\n\n

The reason for this is the way we evolved. Throughout our ancestral history, humans needed to work in groups to stay alive. That\u2019s why we\u2019ve developed instincts to care a lot about social stuff, why we\u2019re so concerned about things like reputation and status, and why we dread making a fool of ourselves or being left out. <\/p>\n\n

But don\u2019t forget, social occasions are an opportunity, not just a threat \u2013 they\u2019re a chance to forge shared memories, bond and have fun together. So as an initial step towards alleviating your anxiety, try boosting your hopefulness about these events. For example, remind yourself of occasions \u2013 however rare they might be \u2013 when things went well and you had a fun time or you made new friends. <\/p>\n\n

Next, from a practical perspective, one of the most effective ways to reduce your social anxiety is to be a little strategic and proactive. So rather than waiting for the obligations to roll in and letting them hang over you like a dark cloud, be clear about which ones you really want or need to go to. <\/p>\n\n

If there are friends you\u2019d love to go with, don\u2019t wait for them to ask you \u2013 reach out and make it happen (they\u2019ll probably be thrilled to hear from you). If you struggle with small talk, don\u2019t be afraid to do a little prep \u2013 get up to speed on the latest current affairs or sports news, so that you\u2019ve got some material at hand to lighten those initial interactions.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

If you\u2019re quiet by nature and don\u2019t socialise much during the rest of the year, it can be helpful to use so-called \u2018if-then plans\u2019 so that you don\u2019t freeze or feel overwhelmed when you first walk into the room. For instance: if I\u2019m feeling stuck for conversation, then I\u2019ll ask the person next to me what they think of Elon Musk taking over Twitter; or, if I\u2019m feeling left out, then I\u2019ll look for the friendliest-looking person or people in the room and ask them one question (such as, \u2018do you have any big plans for the New Year?\u2019). <\/p>\n\n

\u201cThe simple truth is a lot of people are so wrapped up in their own worries that they\u2019re not judging you as closely as you might think\u201d <\/strong><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n

There are some psychology findings that you might find comforting. One of my favourites is a study by psychologists at Washington University in St Louis that asked volunteers with social anxiety to rate the quality of their relationship with a given friend. <\/p>\n\n

Then the researchers approached that named friend and asked them to rate the relationship too. The reassuring finding was that the named friends rated the friendships more positively than the volunteers with social anxiety \u2013 in other words, your friends probably like you more than you realise. <\/p>\n\n

Here\u2019s another comforting study that led psychologists to propose something called the \u2018spotlight effect\u2019 (the way that we tend to think people are scrutinising us much more closely than they really are). It involved volunteers wearing an embarrassing item of clothing (at the time, around the year 2000, this was considered to be a Barry Manilow T-shirt) in a group setting and then estimating how many people in the room noticed it. <\/p>\n\n

The volunteers massively overestimated how many people noticed their embarrassing attire; in reality, the others just weren\u2019t paying that much attention to them. Bear this in mind when you\u2019re agonising over what to wear or what to say. The simple truth is a lot of people are so wrapped up in their own worries that they\u2019re not judging you as closely as you might think.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

\"\"
You\u2019re not obliged to accept every invite. You\u2019re more likely to have a good time if you accept only those you want to attend <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n

Indeed, excessive self-focus is one of the main drivers of social anxiety. Constantly monitoring your own behaviour and utterances will fuel your nerves and, in worst-case scenarios, lead you to act more awkwardly. Anything you can do to try to get out of your head and focus your attention outwards ought to alleviate your anxiety. You could even give yourself another if-then plan to help with this: if I find myself being self-focused, then I\u2019ll make a conscious effort to listen to what someone is saying or look at what they\u2019re wearing. <\/p>\n\n

Taking this further, why not set yourself a little goal to be on the lookout for anyone else at the party or dinner who seems uncomfortable or left out. There are bound to be people feeling that way and you could be the one to make their experience more positive. <\/p>\n\n

Above all, remember that avoidance (either not going out or resorting to excess drink or drugs) never helps anxiety \u2013 it just fuels it. Like all challenges in life that we find difficult, socialising gets easier with practice. But don\u2019t expect too much of yourself either \u2013 pace yourself and do your best. Plan ahead and focus your attention on the other people you\u2019re there with, and who knows, you might even have a little fun along the way. <\/p>\n\n

by DR <\/strong>CHRISTIAN <\/strong>JARRETT<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Christian <\/em>is <\/em>a <\/em>psychology <\/em>and <\/em>neuroscience <\/em>writer. <\/em>His <\/em>latest <\/em>book <\/em>is <\/em>Be Who You Want: Unlocking The Science Of Personality Change (\u00a314.99, <\/em>Robinson). <\/em><\/p>\n\n

IMAGES: SCIENCE PHOTO LIBRARY, GETTY IMAGES<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

ANALYSIS <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":21326,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ub_ctt_via":"","purple_page_number":"44","purple_custom_meta_purple_page_number":"44","purple_seq_number":"1","purple_custom_meta_purple_seq_number":"1","purple_source_article":"article_44-1.xml","purple_custom_meta_purple_source_article":"article_44-1.xml","purple_source_issue":"New-Year-2023","purple_custom_meta_purple_source_issue":"New-Year-2023","purple_external_id":"New-Year-2023-44-1","purple_custom_meta_purple_external_id":"New-Year-2023-44-1","purple_issue_code":"|0000089662||","purple_custom_meta_purple_issue_code":"|0000089662||","purple_android_product":"com.focus.magazine.issue386","purple_custom_meta_purple_android_product":"com.focus.magazine.issue386","purple_ios_product":"com.focus.magazine.issue386","purple_custom_meta_purple_ios_product":"com.focus.magazine.issue386","purple_web_product":"","purple_custom_meta_purple_web_product":"","purple_publication_id":"0f422ad1-c939-476d-9f82-a410052ad4c3","purple_migrated":"","kt_blocks_editor_width":"","apple_news_api_created_at":"2022-12-22T16:01:50Z","apple_news_article-theme":"","apple_news_api_id":"d07e5fa5-0e05-4ba5-bcef-f4f31c683c66","apple_news_api_modified_at":"2023-01-03T10:24:03Z","apple_news_api_revision":"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAw==","apple_news_api_share_url":"https:\/\/apple.news\/A0H5fpQ4FS6W87_TzHGg8Zg","apple_news_coverimage":0,"apple_news_coverimage_caption":"","apple_news_is_hidden":false,"apple_news_is_paid":true,"apple_news_is_preview":true,"apple_news_is_sponsored":false,"apple_news_maturity_rating":"","apple_news_pullquote":"","apple_news_pullquote_position":"","apple_news_article_theme":"","apple_news_sections":"[]"},"categories":[27],"tags":[15],"apple_news_notices":[],"featured_image_src":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/42\/2022\/12\/2a84fccd-0e2e-45db-9d95-3bd4a22a672d.jpg","author_info":{"display_name":"importmanagerhub@sprylab.com","author_link":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/author\/importmanagerhubsprylab-com\/"},"acf":{"readingTimeMinutes":"5","apple_news_title":""},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/42\/2022\/12\/2a84fccd-0e2e-45db-9d95-3bd4a22a672d.jpg",2048,1397,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/42\/2022\/12\/2a84fccd-0e2e-45db-9d95-3bd4a22a672d-150x150.jpg",150,150,true],"medium":["https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/42\/2022\/12\/2a84fccd-0e2e-45db-9d95-3bd4a22a672d-300x205.jpg",300,205,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/42\/2022\/12\/2a84fccd-0e2e-45db-9d95-3bd4a22a672d-768x524.jpg",768,524,true],"large":["https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/42\/2022\/12\/2a84fccd-0e2e-45db-9d95-3bd4a22a672d-1024x699.jpg",800,546,true],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/42\/2022\/12\/2a84fccd-0e2e-45db-9d95-3bd4a22a672d-1536x1048.jpg",1536,1048,true],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/42\/2022\/12\/2a84fccd-0e2e-45db-9d95-3bd4a22a672d.jpg",2048,1397,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"importmanagerhub@sprylab.com","author_link":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/author\/importmanagerhubsprylab-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"ANALYSIS","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21328"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/24"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21328"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21328\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22144,"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21328\/revisions\/22144"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/21326"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21328"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21328"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21328"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}