{"id":28725,"date":"2023-06-24T17:56:16","date_gmt":"2023-06-24T15:56:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sciencefocus.com\/?p=146187"},"modified":"2023-06-24T18:38:34","modified_gmt":"2023-06-24T16:38:34","slug":"social-fitness-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-a-happy-life-heres-how-to-improve-yours","status":"publish","type":"rss_feed","link":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/rss_feed\/social-fitness-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-a-happy-life-heres-how-to-improve-yours\/","title":{"rendered":"Social fitness is the biggest predictor of a happy life. Here\u2019s how to improve yours"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"rssexcerpt\"> Enjoying the weather? Did you see the game? Small-talk and simple face-to-face interactions have a bigger effect on our wellbeing than you might think. So, do you fancy a cuppa? <\/p><p class=\"rssauthor\">By Kelly Oakes\n                \t\t<\/p><p class=\"rssbyline\">Published: Saturday, 24 June 2023 at 12:00 am<\/p><hr class=\"no-tts wp-block-separator\"\/><?xml version=\"1.0\" encoding=\"UTF-8\" standalone=\"yes\"?>\n<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC \"-\/\/W3C\/\/DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional\/\/EN\" \"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/TR\/REC-html40\/loose.dtd\">\n<html><body> <p><a href=\"\/\/profiles.sussex.ac.uk\/p555105-gillian-sandstrom&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">Dr Gillian Sandstrom<\/a> was at the opera when she realised how good she had become at talking to strangers. A woman with Parkinson\u2019s was feeling anxious and needed an aisle seat and when Sandstrom noticed what was happening, she asked a whole row of people to move along to make room for the woman and her husband.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAs the couple moved past me the husband said, \u2018Thank you so much, I could never have done that,\u2019 and I thought to myself, \u2018past-Gillian couldn\u2019t have done that either\u2019,\u201d she says. \u201cBut now, it\u2019s not a big deal.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>For Sandstrom, a senior lecturer in the psychology of kindness at the University of Sussex, talking to strangers didn\u2019t always come naturally. But her research looks at the benefits of those small, day-to-day interactions and so, over the course of her career, she has had plenty of practice.<\/p>\n<p>Now, it\u2019s a skill she\u2019s glad she cultivated. \u201cI would feel like a hypocrite if I didn\u2019t talk to strangers, so I do it a lot,\u201d she says. \u201cThe biggest benefit is I\u2019m just not nervous about other people anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2><strong>What exactly is social fitness?<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>We all know that a balanced diet and exercise are important parts of staying healthy. But a growing body of research is showing that there\u2019s another factor that\u2019s even more important for keeping us in good shape, both physically and mentally: our social connections.<\/p>\n<p>A landmark study published in 2010 found that the <a href=\"\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC2910600\/&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">quality of someone\u2019s relationships is a bigger predictor of early death<\/a> than obesity and physical inactivity, and on a par with smoking and alcohol consumption.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe size of these effects really can\u2019t be overstated, they\u2019re enormous,\u201d says <a href=\"\/\/researchers.anu.edu.au\/researchers\/cruwys-tl&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">Tegan Cruwys<\/a>, an associate professor and clinical psychologist at the Australian National University.<\/p>\n<p>Of course, it isn\u2019t just our physical health that suffers from lack of social connections. Other research shows that <a href=\"\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/abs\/pii\/S2352250X16300252&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">having a strong romantic relationship leads to better mental health<\/a> and that <a href=\"\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC6125010\/&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">feeling connected to others decreases symptoms of depression<\/a>, mitigates symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder and improves overall mental health.<\/p>\n<p>But while we might have reluctantly come to accept that a regular physical fitness regime is required to maintain a healthy body, it can be easy to sink into the assumption that our relationships will maintain themselves.<\/p>\n<p>Research shows that that\u2019s not true: we should all be thinking as much about social fitness as we do about physical fitness.<\/p>\n<div class=\"&quot;image-handler__container\" image-handler__container--full=\"\" style=\"&quot;padding-bottom:\" calc=\"\"> <picture><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-thumb-697e1e5.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=300%2C200,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-thumb-697e1e5.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=300%2C200,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-thumb-697e1e5.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=355%2C237,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-thumb-697e1e5.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=355%2C237,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-thumb-697e1e5.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=405%2C270,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-thumb-697e1e5.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=405%2C270,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-thumb-697e1e5.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=554%2C369,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-thumb-697e1e5.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=554%2C369,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-thumb-697e1e5.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=620%2C413&quot;\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-thumb-697e1e5.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=620%2C413&quot;\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-thumb-697e1e5.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=408%2C272,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-thumb-697e1e5.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=408%2C272,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-thumb-697e1e5.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=556%2C371,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-thumb-697e1e5.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=556%2C371,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><img class=\"&quot;wp-image-146695\" align=\"\" size-full=\"\" image-handler__image=\"\" image-handler__image--full=\"\" no-wrap=\"\" js-lazyload=\"\" data-src=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-thumb-697e1e5.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=620%2C413&quot;\" width=\"&quot;620&quot;\" height=\"&quot;413&quot;\" alt=\"&quot;Group\" of=\"\" urban=\"\" runners=\"\" title=\"&quot;Group\"\/><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/picture><\/div><div class=\"&quot;caption-hold&quot;\"><figcaption class=\"&quot;wp-caption-text&quot;\"><span class=\"&quot;caption-copy&quot;\"><i class=\"&quot;icon-arrow\" icon-camera-circle=\"\"\/> Joining a group, such as a running team, could help people with depression.<\/span><\/figcaption><span class=\"&quot;im-image-caption&quot;\"> <i>Photo: Getty; Illustration: Andy Potts<\/i><\/span><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"\/\/www.robertwaldinger.com\/&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">Robert Waldinger<\/a>, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, runs the Harvard Study of Adult Development, a decades-long study on health and wellbeing.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat we found was that perfectly good relationships will often wither away from neglect and that the people who were best at having vibrant social networks were the people who took care of them, the people who were actively maintaining their connections with other people,\u201d he told the <a href=\"&quot;https:\/\/www.sciencefocus.com\/the-human-body\/instant-genius-happiness-podcast\/&quot;\"><em>BBC Science Focus Instant Genius podcast<\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat\u2019s why we coined the term \u2018social fitness\u2019, to be deliberately analogous with physical fitness.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As part of the Harvard study, researchers asked participants to list who they could call during a middle-of-the-night emergency. Most wrote down several people but some participants couldn\u2019t even list one.<\/p>\n<section class=\"&quot;highlight\"><div class=\"&quot;highlight__content\" editor-content=\"\"> <h3><strong>The loneliness epidemic, in 5 key numbers<\/strong><\/h3>\n<ul><li class=\"&quot;p1&quot;\"><strong>7 per cent<\/strong><span class=\"&quot;s1&quot;\">\u00a0<\/span>of adults in the UK say <a href=\"\/\/yougov.co.uk\/topics\/society\/articles-reports\/2021\/12\/16\/yougov-friendship-study-part-1-close-friends-and-b&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">they don\u2019t have any close friends<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li class=\"&quot;p4&quot;\"><strong>18-24<\/strong> is the age group that <a href=\"\/\/yougov.co.uk\/topics\/society\/articles-reports\/2019\/10\/03\/young-britons-are-most-lonely&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">feels most lonely in the UK<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li class=\"&quot;p4&quot;\"><strong>17 per cent<\/strong><span class=\"&quot;s1&quot;\">\u00a0<\/span>of people say they\u2019re pleased when social plans get cancelled, but <a href=\"\/\/yougov.co.uk\/topics\/society\/survey-results\/daily\/2023\/03\/02\/8dc68\/3&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">36 per cent say they\u2019re disappointed<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li class=\"&quot;p4&quot;\"><strong>4.1<\/strong> is the number of intimate relationships someone can maintain at once, <a href=\"\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/pii\/S0378873316301095&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">according to work<\/a> by emeritus professor of evolutionary psychology Robin Dunbar.<\/li>\n<li class=\"&quot;p1&quot;\"><strong>88 per cent<span class=\"&quot;s1&quot;\">\u00a0<\/span><\/strong>of adults in the UK say they <a href=\"\/\/www.ons.gov.uk\/peoplepopulationandcommunity\/wellbeing\/articles\/measuresofnationalwellbeingdashboardqualityoflifeintheuk\/2022-08-12&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">can rely on people in their lives if they have a serious problem<\/a>.<\/li>\n<\/ul><p> <\/p><\/div> <\/section><p>Not having that psychological safety net puts us in a vulnerable position. \u201cWhen you\u2019re lonely, you\u2019re in a state of fight or flight all the time,\u201d says <a href=\"\/\/drmarisagfranco.com\/&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">Marisa G Franco<\/a>, psychologist and assistant clinical professor at the University of Maryland, and author of <em>Platonic<\/em>. \u201cIt\u2019s like putting your body under a chronic stress state.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But social connections of all shapes and sizes contribute to our wellbeing. While a romantic relationship or close-knit group of friends might make us feel safe, the fleeting interactions we have with people we don\u2019t know well can bring us a different kind of joy.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThey\u2019re a source of spontaneity and novelty that we don\u2019t get in the same way from our close relationships,\u201d says Sandstrom.<\/p>\n<p>For example, the questionnaire she used in her research showed that people who had a brief chat with a barista were happier than those who were as efficient as possible when buying their coffee.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cPeople are in a better mood when they have this little social interaction, they feel more connected to other people,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<p>In fact, research shows that group-based social connections, rather than individual relationships, <a href=\"\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/abs\/pii\/S0277953614005632&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">seem to be most important for our cognitive health<\/a>.<\/p>\n<div class=\"&quot;image-handler__container\" image-handler__container--full=\"\" style=\"&quot;padding-bottom:\" calc=\"\"> <picture><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-cd29b73.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=300%2C200,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-cd29b73.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=300%2C200,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-cd29b73.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=355%2C237,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-cd29b73.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=355%2C237,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-cd29b73.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=405%2C270,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-cd29b73.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=405%2C270,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-cd29b73.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=554%2C369,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-cd29b73.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=554%2C369,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-cd29b73.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=620%2C413&quot;\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-cd29b73.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=620%2C413&quot;\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-cd29b73.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=408%2C272,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-cd29b73.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=408%2C272,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-cd29b73.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=556%2C371,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-cd29b73.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=556%2C371,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><img class=\"&quot;wp-image-146694\" align=\"\" size-full=\"\" image-handler__image=\"\" image-handler__image--full=\"\" no-wrap=\"\" js-lazyload=\"\" data-src=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-cd29b73.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=620%2C413&quot;\" width=\"&quot;620&quot;\" height=\"&quot;413&quot;\" alt=\"&quot;Two\" women=\"\" talking=\"\" over=\"\" coffee=\"\" title=\"&quot;Two\" to=\"\" each=\"\" other=\"\"\/><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/picture><\/div><div class=\"&quot;caption-hold&quot;\"><figcaption class=\"&quot;wp-caption-text&quot;\"><span class=\"&quot;caption-copy&quot;\"><i class=\"&quot;icon-arrow\" icon-camera-circle=\"\"\/> A little interaction with other people helps people feel more connected<\/span><\/figcaption><span class=\"&quot;im-image-caption&quot;\"> <i>Photo: Getty; Illustration: Andy Potts<\/i><\/span><\/div>\n<p>There\u2019s also research which shows that joining groups \u2013 such as belonging to a church or working in a community garden \u2013 <a href=\"\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/abs\/pii\/S0277953613005194&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">can be an effective treatment for depression<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Following 4,000 adults in England over six years, Cruwys found that not only did joining a social group alleviate symptoms of depression and reduce the risk of relapse, <a href=\"\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/abs\/pii\/S0277953613005194&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">it also protected against future depression<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>The feeling of connection to others and the wider world appears to be the active ingredient that makes social connection so good for our wellbeing.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe think that it\u2019s actually these group ties, these social identities that are at the heart of why social connection is so important for health,\u201d says Cruwys.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhile a one-on-one tie, a friendship, might be really nice and pleasant, and you might enjoy that time, it\u2019s not changing how you see yourself in the way that being part of something bigger does.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2><strong>How to assess your own social fitness<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>The ideal social life will, of course, vary between people. So when it comes to assessing your own social fitness the key thing to consider is whether the connections you have at the moment are meeting your needs.<\/p>\n<p>Do you have plenty of friends but lack that feeling of being connected to something bigger? Or are you heavily involved in your community, but long for a close friend to confide in?<\/p>\n<p>If you do decide you need more friends, you should be prepared to make the first move.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOne problem with friendship is that we assume that it happens organically and it doesn\u2019t in adulthood,\u201d says Franco.<\/p>\n<p>She recommends starting by reconnecting with someone from your past. \u201cThe most common reason friendships end is simply because we fall out of touch rather than because there\u2019s any fundamental difference between us,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Read more:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul><li><a class=\"&quot;standard-card-new__article-title&quot;\" href=\"&quot;https:\/\/www.sciencefocus.com\/science\/how-loneliness-is-killing-men\/&quot;\">How loneliness is killing men<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"&quot;standard-card-new__article-title&quot;\" href=\"&quot;https:\/\/www.sciencefocus.com\/news\/people-experience-loneliness-differently-depending-on-their-age\/&quot;\">People experience loneliness differently depending on their age<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"&quot;standard-card-new__article-title&quot;\" href=\"&quot;https:\/\/www.sciencefocus.com\/news\/a-psychologist-explains-how-modern-life-is-making-us-lonely-but-it-doesnt-have-to\/&quot;\">Has modern society condemned humans to be lonely?<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul><p>Alternatively, you could join a group or class that\u2019s repeated at regular intervals over time. And simply by sticking with it for at least two months you can capitalise on something called the \u2018mere exposure effect\u2019, which is our tendency to like people who are familiar to us.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAt first, it\u2019s going to be uncomfortable and awkward,\u201d says Franco. \u201cI think the problem we have is that we assume that it\u2019s always going to be that way and we quit in that early phase.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sticking to a familiar routine is also a good way to form so-called \u2018weak ties\u2019 \u2013 social connections with people who are not quite strangers, but not (yet) friends either.<\/p>\n<div class=\"&quot;image-handler__container\" image-handler__container--full=\"\" style=\"&quot;padding-bottom:\" calc=\"\"> <picture><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/coffee-with-friends-17fe093.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=300%2C187,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/coffee-with-friends-17fe093.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=300%2C187,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/coffee-with-friends-17fe093.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=355%2C222,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/coffee-with-friends-17fe093.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=355%2C222,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/coffee-with-friends-17fe093.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=405%2C253,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/coffee-with-friends-17fe093.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=405%2C253,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/coffee-with-friends-17fe093.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=554%2C346,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(max-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/coffee-with-friends-17fe093.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=554%2C346,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/coffee-with-friends-17fe093.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=620%2C387&quot;\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/coffee-with-friends-17fe093.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=620%2C387&quot;\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/coffee-with-friends-17fe093.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=408%2C255,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/coffee-with-friends-17fe093.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=408%2C255,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/coffee-with-friends-17fe093.jpg?webp=true&amp;quality=90&amp;resize=556%2C347,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/webp&quot;\"><source media=\"&quot;(min-width:\" data-srcset=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/coffee-with-friends-17fe093.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=556%2C347,\" https:=\"\" type=\"&quot;image\/jpeg&quot;\"><img class=\"&quot;wp-image-146692\" align=\"\" size-full=\"\" image-handler__image=\"\" image-handler__image--full=\"\" no-wrap=\"\" js-lazyload=\"\" data-src=\"&quot;https:\/\/images.immediate.co.uk\/production\/volatile\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/coffee-with-friends-17fe093.jpg?quality=90&amp;resize=620%2C387&quot;\" width=\"&quot;620&quot;\" height=\"&quot;386&quot;\" alt=\"&quot;People\" talking=\"\" to=\"\" barista=\"\" title=\"&quot;People\"\/><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/source><\/picture><\/div><div class=\"&quot;caption-hold&quot;\"><figcaption class=\"&quot;wp-caption-text&quot;\"><span class=\"&quot;caption-copy&quot;\"><i class=\"&quot;icon-arrow\" icon-camera-circle=\"\"\/> A few moments of small talk with shop staff, or other people queuing around you, could put a spring in everyone\u2019s steps<\/span><\/figcaption><span class=\"&quot;im-image-caption&quot;\"> <i>Photo: Getty; Illustration: Andy Potts<\/i><\/span><\/div>\n<p>Head to the same caf\u00e9 each Saturday afternoon or walk your dog on the same route each morning and you\u2019ll likely start to see some familiar faces.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhen we\u2019re in situations with other people, and we see those people again and again, we\u2019re more likely to start up conversations with them, and some of those conversations are likely to deepen and perhaps eventually become friendships,\u201d says Waldinger.<\/p>\n<h2><strong>Why talking to strangers makes you happier<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>If setting out to make a new friend sounds too daunting, build your confidence by talking with strangers. Sandstrom ran <a href=\"\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/pii\/S0022103122000750?via%3Dihub&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">a study that involved a scavenger hunt-style game<\/a> where people had to find and speak to new people repeatedly.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOver the course of the week, day by day, people got more and more confident in their conversational abilities,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<p>But a week-long crash course in talking to strangers is not a social fitness requirement. Nor is the ability to join a new evening class for every day of the week.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s not about the amount of contact we have with people, it\u2019s much more about the quality of that contact and that sense of belonging that we derive from it,\u201d says Cruwys.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThere are ways we can stay connected and feel that sense of belonging without having it take up a huge amount of our time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Digital technology can help \u2013 if you\u2019re intentional about how you use it. Research shows that <a href=\"\/\/journals.sagepub.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1177\/1745691617713052&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">using social media to maintain existing relationships can reduce loneliness<\/a> but if it displaces offline activities, it makes us more lonely.<\/p>\n<p>Passive consumption \u2013 scrolling through feeds without interacting \u2013 might even trick us into feeling like we\u2019ve ticked the social connection box, when we haven\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt gives us a snack of connection so we don\u2019t even realise how lonely we are,\u201d says Franco.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Read more:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul><li><a class=\"&quot;standard-card-new__article-title&quot;\" href=\"&quot;https:\/\/www.sciencefocus.com\/science\/the-friendship-paradox-youll-never-be-as-popular-on-social-media-as-your-friends\/&quot;\">The friendship paradox: You\u2019ll never be as popular on social media as your friends<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"&quot;standard-card-new__article-title&quot;\" href=\"&quot;https:\/\/www.sciencefocus.com\/the-human-body\/parasocial-relationships-when-your-favourite-celebrities-feel-like-friends\/&quot;\">Parasocial relationships\u201d When your favourite celebrities feel like friends<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul><p>Of course, as with physical fitness, often there are forces beyond our control that make it harder to maintain social connections.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe people who are most lonely in our society often have some real barriers to being connected,\u201d says Cruwys, such as people with disabilities and those living in poverty.<\/p>\n<p>By engaging in small acts to help bring about social connectivity, we could also end up helping people more in need than ourselves.<\/p>\n<p>In Australia, a grassroots initiative called Neighbor Day involves people setting up community events such as jumble sales or street parties, or even just WhatsApp groups for their street.<\/p>\n<p>Cruwys studied the impact this initiative had during a COVID-19 lockdown period, when people\u2019s social lives were curtailed.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe found that people who hadn\u2019t been involved in Neighbor Day <a href=\"\/\/www.frontiersin.org\/articles\/10.3389\/fpsyg.2022.1030637\/full&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">showed a decline in their wellbeing<\/a> during that lockdown period, but people who had been involved in Neighbor Day didn\u2019t,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<p>Similarly, the act of talking with a stranger could put a spring in your step for the rest of the day \u2013 and do the same for the other person, too.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThis has a lot of benefits for you,\u201d says Sandstrom. \u201cBut it\u2019s also an act of kindness.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"&quot;p2&quot;\"><strong>How to get better at talking to strangers<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p class=\"&quot;p1&quot;\">Here are Dr Gillian Sandstrom\u2019s useful pointers for how to strike up a conversation with someone you don\u2019t know\u2026<\/p>\n<h3><strong>Choose your target wisely<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p class=\"&quot;p5&quot;\">\u201cTalking to someone with a dog or a baby is a little less scary somehow and it\u2019s more acceptable,\u201d says Dr Gillian Sandstrom. Plus, it gives you an instant conversation starter.<\/p>\n<h3><strong>Select your topic<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p class=\"&quot;p5&quot;\">The weather is a classic conversation opener for a reason: it\u2019s something we all have in common. The space you\u2019re in is another potential opener.<\/p>\n<p class=\"&quot;p5&quot;\">\u201cI often talk to people while I\u2019m waiting in a queue because we\u2019re waiting for the same thing, or I\u2019ll talk to people sitting next to me at a concert or a show,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<p class=\"&quot;p5&quot;\">You can also point out something they might not have seen. \u201cWhen the crocuses are starting to pop up in the spring, I might ask someone: \u2018Oh, did you see the crocuses over there?\u201d<\/p>\n<h3><strong>Ask someone a question<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p class=\"&quot;p5&quot;\">At a coffee shop, you might ask the server what they recommend. Or simply tap into your own curiosity.<\/p>\n<p class=\"&quot;p5&quot;\">\u201cI\u2019ve been on the Tube and seen multiple people wearing the same T-shirt because they were doing some kind of race, so I asked about the T-shirt,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<h3><strong>Don\u2019t expect the worst<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p class=\"&quot;p5&quot;\">These conversations tend to go a lot better than people expect.<\/p>\n<p class=\"&quot;p5&quot;\">\u201cAll the things that people worry about \u2013 and there are lots of things that people worry about \u2013 they just don\u2019t really happen very often,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<p class=\"&quot;p5&quot;\">Plus, there\u2019s something called the \u2018liking gap\u2019: research shows that, after a conversation, <a href=\"\/\/journals.sagepub.com\/doi\/10.1177\/0956797618783714&quot;\" target=\"&quot;_blank&quot;\" rel=\"&quot;noopener&quot; noopener noreferrer\">people tend to like us a lot more than we think they do<\/a>.<\/p>\n<section class=\"&quot;highlight\"><div class=\"&quot;highlight__content\" editor-content=\"\"> <h4><strong>About our experts<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><strong>Dr Gillian Sandstrom<\/strong> is a senior lecturer in the psychology of kindness at the University of Sussex, where she studies the importance of social interactions. Her research has been published in journals including the <em>Social And Personality Psychology Compass<\/em>, <em>Scientific Reports<\/em> and <em>PLoS ONE<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr Tegan Cruwys<\/strong> is an associate professor and clinical psychologist at the Australian National University, where she studies clinical and counselling psychology. Her work has been published in journals including the Journal of Environmental Psychology and Social Science and Medicine.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Prof Robert Waldinger<\/strong> is a clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the world\u2019s longest-running study on happiness.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr Marisa G Franco <\/strong>is a psychologist and assistant clinical professor at the University of Maryland, where she teaches courses on loneliness and friendship. She is the author of the friendship guide <em>Platonic<\/em>: <em>How Understanding Your Attachment Style Can Help You Make And Keep Friends.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Read more:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul><li><a class=\"&quot;standard-card-new__article-title&quot;\" href=\"&quot;https:\/\/www.sciencefocus.com\/science\/why-does-it-feel-so-good-to-set-the-world-to-rights-with-a-friend\/&quot;\">Why does it feel so good to set the world to rights with a friend?<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"&quot;standard-card-new__article-title&quot;\" href=\"&quot;https:\/\/www.sciencefocus.com\/the-human-body\/habits-healthy-brain\/&quot;\">The 6 best habits to keep your brain fit, according to neuroscience<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"&quot;standard-card-new__article-title&quot;\" href=\"&quot;https:\/\/www.sciencefocus.com\/news\/staying-socially-active-in-middle-age-could-help-keep-dementia-at-bay\/&quot;\">Staying socially active in middle age could help keep dementia at bay<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul><p> <\/p><\/div> <\/section> <\/body><\/html>\n<hr class=\"no-tts wp-block-separator\"\/>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p> Enjoying the weather? Did you see the game? Small-talk and simple face-to-face interactions have a bigger effect on our wellbeing than you might think. So, do you fancy a cuppa? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":28726,"template":"","categories":[1],"acf":{"readingTimeMinutes":"11"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/42\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-a-happy-life-heres-how-to-improve-yours.jpg",1200,511,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/42\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-a-happy-life-heres-how-to-improve-yours-150x150.jpg",150,150,true],"medium":["https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/42\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-a-happy-life-heres-how-to-improve-yours-300x128.jpg",300,128,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/42\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-a-happy-life-heres-how-to-improve-yours-768x327.jpg",768,327,true],"large":["https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/42\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-a-happy-life-heres-how-to-improve-yours-1024x436.jpg",800,341,true],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/42\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-a-happy-life-heres-how-to-improve-yours.jpg",1200,511,false],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/uploads\/sites\/42\/2023\/06\/social-fitness-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-a-happy-life-heres-how-to-improve-yours.jpg",1200,511,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"importmanagerhub@sprylab.com","author_link":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/author\/importmanagerhubsprylab-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Enjoying the weather? Did you see the game? Small-talk and simple face-to-face interactions have a bigger effect on our wellbeing than you might think. So, do you fancy a cuppa?","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/rss_feed\/28725"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/rss_feed"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/rss_feed"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/24"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/28726"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28725"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28725"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}