{"id":33448,"date":"2023-09-09T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-09-09T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cca2acd7-28b0-45cd-bd29-12cae06a9e87"},"modified":"2023-09-09T11:46:12","modified_gmt":"2023-09-09T09:46:12","slug":"why-you-self-sabotage-and-simple-ways-to-stop-according-to-a-psychologist","status":"publish","type":"rss_feed","link":"https:\/\/c01.purpledshub.com\/bbcsciencefocus\/rss_feed\/why-you-self-sabotage-and-simple-ways-to-stop-according-to-a-psychologist\/","title":{"rendered":"Why you self-sabotage and simple ways to stop, according to a psychologist"},"content":{"rendered":"

Actions which hurt your chance of success can come from low self-esteem \u2013 here are a few tips to break the habit. <\/p>

By Christian Jarrett\n <\/p>

Published: Saturday, 09 September 2023 at 09:00 AM<\/p>

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Self-sabotaging \u2013\u00a0also known as ‘self-handicapping’ by psychologists \u2013\u00a0is when you knowingly do things that are likely to harm your chances of success, be that in the context of academic tests<\/a>, performance at work, sport<\/a>, or relationships<\/a>.<\/p>

For instance, say you deliberately choose not to rehearse for a work presentation. Or you have a running race coming up and you decide not to train for it. In a relationship context, perhaps you decide to start ignoring your\u00a0partner\u2019s texts, even though you\u2019re happy in the relationship. <\/p>

In all these cases, behaving this way might sound strange and self-defeating. But research suggests there is a logic to self-sabotaging: it\u2019s something people often do as a way to protect their self-esteem and alleviate their fears of failure or abandonment.\u00a0<\/p>

For instance,\u00a0suppose\u00a0you purposefully avoided doing any preparation\u00a0for your presentation\u00a0at\u00a0work\u00a0and, as a result,\u00a0it went really badly. You could put that failure down to the fact that you didn\u2019t prepare, rather than\u00a0your presentation\u00a0saying anything fundamental about you as a person or your skills.\u00a0Similarly, if you came last in the running race, you could shrug off that disaster as being down to the fact that you didn\u2019t bother doing any training.\u00a0<\/p>

In the case of your ignoring your partner\u2019s texts, if they decide to break up with you, you could put that rejection down to the fact that you\u2019d been ignoring them \u2013 rather than the split\u00a0being\u00a0anything\u00a0to do with them not liking you anymore or\u00a0choosing to\u00a0go off\u00a0with someone else.\u00a0<\/p>

In short, self-sabotaging is a way to protect your ego by setting up a perfect excuse for if and when failure or rejection occur. <\/p>

People with a fear of failure and\/or low self-esteem are more likely to use self-sabotaging in this way. In the short term, it might even help you to feel better about yourself,\u00a0and it\u2019s a way to protect your image in the eyes of others.\u00a0It\u2019s an inadvisable strategy\u00a0however,\u00a0because, in the long-run, you are\u00a0\u2013\u00a0of course\u00a0\u2013\u00a0going to increase your chances of failure and rejection<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>

How to stop self-sabotaging<\/h2>

If you really wanted to give a good presentation, you\u2019d have been better off preparing; to win the race, you ought to have trained; and if you really hoped to stay with your partner, you definitely shouldn\u2019t have upset them by ignoring their texts.\u00a0<\/p>

If you\u2019ve\u00a0fallen\u00a0into the habit of self-sabotaging, it\u2019s going to take time to\u00a0break it, but a healthier approach\u00a0is\u00a0within your reach. One strategy that will help is adopting a so-called \u2018mastery mindset\u2019<\/a>, which involves seeing challenges as a chance to learn and improve, rather than as a profound verdict on your inherent skills or value. Do the best you can in the work presentation or running race and if it doesn\u2019t go perfectly, think about what you could do better next time.<\/p>

Another helpful strategy is to practise self-compassion<\/a>, which involves treating yourself with the same kindness you would\u00a0a close friend or relative,\u00a0and recognising that your self-worth isn\u2019t dependent on any particular opinion or relationship outcome.\u00a0<\/p>

If you feel yourself getting close to your romantic partner, try to get comfortable with those feelings of vulnerability and remind yourself that if the relationship ends one day, it really doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re inherently broken or unlovable.\u00a0<\/p>

Read more:<\/strong><\/p>