At varying moments in Everything I Know About Love, all four of the central quartet struggle to vocalise their needs because there’s safety and ease in sticking to the script.
For a long time, Maggie accepts Street’s terms and conditions, even though they leave her feeling empty; both Maggie and Birdy repeatedly avoid having an honest conversation about their fractured friendship, even though their continued silence does more harm than good; Nell allows her relationship to slump into a state of inertia to spare her boyfriend’s heartbreak; Amara can’t bring herself to admit to the others that her stable, well-paid, “grown-up” career is sucking the life out of her.
The fear of what could happen next, when the cat cannot be stuffed back inside the bag, is paralysing.
But those who are brave enough to ask for what they want, putting their fear of rejection aside in the pursuit of more, can reap the benefits, as Amara’s dating escapades prove.
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After giving her number to dishy waiter Rege in episode 3, they head back to Amara’s house and waste no time ripping off one another’s clothes. But while Amara is having fun, she knows the secret ingredient that will take their rendezvous to the next level.
“Slow down,” she commands, before instructing Rege to hand over her vibrator, baton-like, with Amara readying herself for the final leg of the relay, the gold in her sights. It’s swift and seamless, the moment passing as quickly as it arrived, but it exudes power and confidence.
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Amara doesn’t hesitate. There’s no, “Would it be OK if…?” or “How about we…?” Her voice doesn’t wobble. The dancer doesn’t dance around the subject, but asks for what she wants, in no uncertain terms, which shouldn’t be a revolutionary act, but it’s impossible not to marvel at her assertiveness.
After growing up on a diet of TV and film that predominately disregarded sexually empowered women, or used their desires as a stick to beat them with, characters such as Amara have a spellbinding quality to them, even as we’re seeing more and more of them on our screens. And with real-world attitudes towards women who take ownership of their sexuality still met with disdain by large swathes of society, both Amara’s understanding of her requirements and her ability to express them are vital viewing.
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That scene also invalidates one of the biggest myths about female sexual pleasure that still retains a great deal of power and deprives myriad women of satisfying sex.
In 2021, Cosmopolitan’s orgasm survey revealed that 8% of women are most likely to reach climax through vaginal penetration. By contrast, 66% said that clitoral stimulation leads to orgasm.
Not that we didn’t know it already, but Amara is out here doing the Lord’s work.
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Amara is also rewarded for asking for what she wants. “F**k, that’s hot,” says Rege in response to her instruction, and on they go. He doesn’t receive it as an affront to his masculinity and, by default, his sexual prowess. It’s not about him, but Amara fulfilling her own needs, and he understands that.
If you fall still for just a second, you’ll probably hear choruses of “Yeah, right!” from the many, many women who have dared to do what Amara does and have been chastised for it. Countless women would never dare for that very reason. But whether it chimes with the common reality or not, particularly a decade ago when this story unfolds, it’s invigorating to watch that scene play out so positively.
Our four protagonists endure their fair share of complications and upset – Amara is relentlessly fetishised by men on dating apps, such is the reality of existing in the world as a Black woman – but Everything I Know About Love also celebrates the joy of being a woman, giving Amara the space to spread her wings and pirouette through her youth, sampling the numerous delights on offer.
The hook-up montage in episode 4, when Maggie and Amara whizz through the burgeoning dating app scene, is playful and sexy and casual dating as it should be: “Human bodies are like countries and you are free to explore the world if that’s what you want.”
Off the back of a history of stories which have ignored, misrepresented and brutalised women, with female trauma mined for entertainment, what is, on the surface, just a slice of fun becomes something much more substantial. To be a woman means to shoulder unwarranted leers and remarks from men we pass in the street and encounter online, from those we come across on dating apps, and even from those who are supposed to serve and protect us.
While Amara’s dating adventures might feel far-fetched, boy, are they needed.
Everything I Know About Love is available to stream now on BBC iPlayer. Check out our Drama hub for more news, interviews and features or find something to watch with our TV guide.
You can purchase the book of Everything I Know About Love on Amazon.
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